whyyyyyyyyyyy

Seriously, things happen too quickly, one day I'm chasing after no one, next, I have all I want and not taking it.

I am SO sorry for putting you through this crap, I already said it many times. My problem is I fall too fast when I'm not even sure and I get myself in shit all the time. It's really NOT you. And trust me, I wanna say yes. Yes to all you offer. But I'm sorry I can't. It sucks that assholes have hurt me before preventing me to trust you. I really can't. My walls are so up high, so closed in, I might as well live in a tall box where no one else can come in. It's surprising me too. Don't throw out words that you are not sure you mean. I miss you like crazy but I won't let myself do it. Inside me I know I like you but I'm just really scared to, again I'm so sorry. I swear, you helped me more than you know. Helped me forget about those jackass that don't deserve my time, and helped me realize there are guys like you out there. Again, like I said, I don't want to be awake on the other side of the world, thinking about you sleeping and I don't want to be asleep when you're awake. I don't wanna be 9000 miles away. Things will change when I leave. Things WON'T be the same after I leave.

I don't want sleepless nights, and I'm not down for heart aches. I TOLD YOU. and it's unfortunate it had to be you.
I can't let myself like you so helplessly then have to cut it short.
TIME. Time. pleaseeee give it time.
I'm so sorry. So sorry. I just can't do it right now.

Don't you ever doubt I DON'T like you.
I would never stop bad habits for just "some guy".
I would never text someone all night, just to tell them not to sleep.
I would never ask anyone to stay up all night and talk with me.
I would never lead someone on.
I would neveeeeeeer lie about liking someone. EVER.
I already said, I'm not going anywhere right now.

I'm just going to chill and think about this okay?
it's up to you to wait or not to wait.
not forcing anything.
fuck myseeeeeelf.
only I would get in shit like this.
fo.real.

xoxo.