I just

finished the last 1st semester of high school
I hate high school
but to be honest, I'm kinda sad.

xoxo.

shouldn't a light go on?

Cause I've had him memorized for so long.

xoxo

Time to get a little cheesy.

For the last four years, we've been running around hooking up at parties, ignoring each other, fighting with each other, yelling at each other to just end up together four years later. Ridiculous. To think how many fights we had and how stupid they fucking were. To think how much shit we talked about each other, don't even lie. The boys and girls in between.

How many times I said "I hate him" I can probably never count. How many times I said, "Never again." even more.

I guess we just really had to go through all that bullshit to finally end up being together, to be quite honest I don't know how I'd get to know anyone else as much as I know you or as much as you know me.

You piss me off a lot of times but at the same time I know you're the only one who could possibly fix my anger to you.

I know we were like brother and sister with our friendship but to be quite honest I don't know if I ever saw you just as a friend after everything.

Nothing will change just because of our new label.

I'm happy with being dysfunctional like we always are but I just reaaaaaally wish you'd listen to some things I say, you know what I'm talking about.

Other than that, you make me smile and don't lie cause I'm the highlight of your day everyday
hahaha ;)

xoxo.

Right Now

I'm still in bed my laptop says 11:00 AM but I know it's 2:00 PM I'm surprised my parents didn't drag me out of bed to go to school, they totally would have. It's cool they understand that I'm very tired.

xoxo.

Coming Back

So shit.
Yesterday, our flight was cancelled, so they told us that they'd reschedule us and fly us to LA and from LA we'll fly to TO.

(I was taking this all as a sign that I was never meant to leave California)

When my family and I got to LA, we were once again told that our flight has been cancelled. Bullshit, eh? So basically they told us they’d put us on waiting list for the next flights which were 3:30 pm PT (arrival at TO at 11:45 pm EST) and 10:30 pm PT (arrival at TO 6:00 am EST) we were almost so sure we weren’t going to make it for 3:30 because it was full. So I was really happy, though in the airport, I was just making those last few moments in California even longer. Well it turned out for the best that we did get into that 3:30 flight but we got split up. I chose to sit by myself. It was a bit sad leaving LA.The flight was aaaight, watched “All About Steve” and “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs” both were very well enjoyed. However, my mind kept shifting to California and feelings kept dreading the snow.

Then we got to Toronto it was -11 degrees celsius with the windchill of -17 which I could swear to you is the complete opposite of LA when I left, LA was even hotter than 17. Anyway, they semi-lost our luggage and it took about 45 minutes for us to finally find it. Today was just a hassle all in all. It makes me never want to fly again.

So we sat by the waiting area (inside) and I was texting my cousin, talking about how boys have left us for call of duty as I watched light snow fall outside. I was really sad that I was physically pouting like a little girl.

Sigh. Enzo totally fell asleep on me just now but I’ll let it go because all I’ve done today was complain to him about how sad I am.

I got home and now I am sitting on my bed I can say I didn’t miss it at all because I’d rather be sleeping on someone else’s room with my tita snoring right at my ear as long as I’m in California, rather than being in my cold bed. Staring at my luggage wishing I was still there.

Not mentioning my parents are nagging my brother and I to go to school tomorrow, which is in what? 5 hours? I won’t go to sleep til like 3 hours from now?

This is really sad. Makes me want to wallow and eat out of a Nutella jar.

One thing that did make me happy today is the letters from Laurier and Western that I got. But then I went back to my shitty mood. :(

This is the part I hate the most.

The part when I tell my story about leaving California.

Oh man, these were the days I dreaded. The days I certainly didn't look forward to as I left for this trip. I'm going to miss California more than I miss it whenever I came here before. Just because I've grown up to see how much is missing when family isn't around. Let's face it--I'm not the family type of person. I'm not the type of person to have a really good family life persé but I do have a sense of wanting that family atmosphere that my family (meaning my mom, dad, brother and I) clearly lack. But California seems to bring us all together just because my mom has her mom to turn to, my dad has his long time friends to turn to, my brother and I have our cousins. Tons of them.

So here it comes again, the goodbyes. Back to school again, working and all that drama I left behind. It has been a great Christmas. A great 18 days of holidays.

I miss my friends in Mississauga a lot, but it`s really hard for me to imagine right now getting up in the cold and getting by just fine without missing this place. Not mentioning that I feel at home here without actually being in the Philippines, just because everyone here is Filipino or Mexican, lol, kinda shallow but I like it this way too.

Sigh, but I really do miss everyone I left behind. Shopping has been done. A LOT of shopping has been done and a LOT of eating has been done, now back to really focusing on what's important when I get back. I must enforce those not "new years resolutions" but goals for the year. Which is just to focus on the things and people I love the most. I need to grow up!

I'm really sad I have to go though, really sad. The weather here is just so nice, I can't believe it's sunny and hot in here, and I will have to go back and bunch myself under my blankets and get pale again because of winter. Shovel snow probably, too.

Ugh
Just gotta be happy with whatever.

xoxo.

The bitchiest new year

I'm so moody right now. Last night was new years and unlike last new year, I was happy and did not cry or rant about how pointless new year is. I can't believe it's been one year since last year. It seems like nothing's changed but everything changed at the same time. I am currently sitting on my cousin's room's floor in Carson with bags under my eyes most likely because I didn't sleep at all last night, mainly because I was too uncomfortable and I just...really did not feel like sleeping.

Let's face it I'm very moody because I missed 3 days of my birth control pills and popped 2 in at 7 am. Now I'm gonna be a super mega bitch for the whole day. Why did I not think of this earlier.

Yesterday:
-woke up at 10
-watched half of avatar
-ate breakfast for like 2 hours
-got ready for 2 hours
-family drove to West Covina
-ate at my family friend's house. Tito Arnel's, absolutely love him, weird cause he acts like my dad and I think he's hilarious, my dad...not so much.
-godfrey wasn't home so it was pretty much boring a bit.
-drove to Carson saw like 9078896980 relatives
-sang in the garage
-rode my cousins pick up truck around the neighborhood blowing horns and screaming happy new year
-my parents gave me death stares when my cousins tried giving me a tequila shot.
-i just had some smirnoff.
-called Ojay to say Happy Birthday/Happy New Years like tradition.
-called Lorenzo the bitch was playing cod on new years at 3 in the morning.
-i didn't make a new year's resolution, instead i spent the whole night reading tumblr.

and today, I don't know what the plans are. But I'm sad as the days in California are coming to an end. I really love this place. Just the sunshine and all. I think I'd be closer and appreciate my family more if I lived here too.

Sigh, if only I could put California, Mississauga and Manila all together. That would be great.

xoxo.