I know, I know your love is nothing but a lie.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO CONFUSED THAT YOU WANT YOUR HEAD TO EXPLODE JUST TO END IT ALL ?!

Trust me, you never wanna go there.
And if you've survived it, you're my idol.
I haven't been this confused for the longest time. In fact, I've never been put in a situation like this before so I don't have a clue what to do. Thank God for livejournal, once again, it saves my life. Blogging it out on private and reading it over and over, solves it all. I was thinking I should talk to someone about this, but I just can't. This is too complicated, I don't know what to do. Or maybe I'm just over reacting, but im super stressed. With the party and friends being not so friendly lately and going to New Jersey in about 6 hours and I havent even packed a thing yet. I'm stressed out because I didn't call work to tell them I have summer school starting Thursday. I'm stressed out because of a boy. I'm stressed out cause this boy is wrong. I'm stressed out because I need to finish this book and drop it off at the library and yeah, I'm not even going to be able to do that because oh guess what, I'M LEAVING IN 6 HOURS.
OH MY GOSH.
and livejournal-ing this is just procrastination in disguise.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.


I thought exams were supposed to be my last stress.

Yeah, maybe I don't get pimples when I'm stressed, but my head would definitely explode soon.

xoxo.

Cause you keep me coming back for more.

I probably walked a total of 6 miles today and were with a ton of people but only really gave a damn for one particular person and it scares the crap out of me. I'm worried about so many things. This is why I hate boys. And it's all wrong...

This is real, this is me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

One of those days that my obsessions at its peak again, we've all seen and heard about it. I give my friends an earful of whatever I'm obsessing about in the moment, whether it be Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Jonas Brothers, Twilight, Edward Cullen, Guitar, Dan Humphrey, white boys, California, books and whatever it is, I talk and talk about my obsessions non-stop. What would I do if I couldn't vent it out some way? LIVEJOURNAL IS SO REFRESHING. It's unbelievable how this thing calms me down. So today, I'm especially in love with Jonas Brothers. Okay, you can talk your "they're so over-rated" talk, but I look beyond that. That reminds me, I was watching extra the other day and they said: "Being out there and proclaiming that you've slept with 500 people sells, but on the contrary, virginity sells." Don't we all just love the Jonas Brothers for being so... not sex-ish like other guys ? Yeah, cause I really do. I wish I had more blogging friends to... share blogs with? Or whatever it is I think I'm doing on LJ thinking that I talk to 50 people all the time. Anyway, my day went horrible. But my afternoon was great. More bonding time with Dee. It HASN'T been awhile, but that's what we're tryna stay away from. I don't want to drift away from people, I really just don't have time for that. And on the other note with friends and drama...WHY CAN'T WE JUST ALL GET ALONG!!! Peace and love!!! GEEZ.

xoxo.

Way, away away from here I'll be.

CAMP ROCK in 10 minutes, literally! Yesterday was such a nice day, long, long day. I'm sure going to miss grade 10, but it's time to move on, yay university is closer than ever. Yesterday:
- Tucker's market place with Gabby, Carly, Laura, Christina, Kyla, Sandra, Monique and Maria
- Pretended to 'flash' truck drivers by lifting my shirt, but I actually was wearing a wife beater under.
- Sandra's house and prank calling Dianne: priceless.
- Taking a 3 hour nap and waking up to a phone call, because I'm their bootycall.
- Went to Wendy's with Justin, Jonathan and Matt. But saw 5 million people there.
- Really didn't wanna be at Wendy's so we once again walked to Tucker's Marketplace, but the boys ate at McDonald's why I sat there and did my rubiks cube.
- Matt walked me home
- Phone with Vanessa and Cristina for 3 hours, literally
- Then phone with Gabs for 2 hours.

It's really hard to imagine how I fit all those things in ONE day, because I really did, anyway, camp rock.
I was really pissed today cause i was supposed to go to Cassy's house to have a pool party and watch camp rock together, but my parents are once again being difficult. Whatever. I have a TV. And today, my day was made again because of one tree hill.

xoxo.

Cause my world revolves around you it's so hard for me to breathe.

Currently at the library with Sandra and Josh, since we don't have an exam today, we're just loafting here. A lot of things are pissing me off, and I thought I should blog that I'm pissed off before I forget.

xoxo.

I won't always love what I'll never have.

I would like myself better if I actually strived to make a purpose in this effin planet. But no, I'm just a big ball of laziness, waiting and waiting. Waiting for myself to do something that I know I won't do anyway. I have my history exam tomorrow and I don't know how I'm going to pass it with what I know in that class. Sure, I recently got a 98% on the culminating, but if I didn't get that, would I be getting a 76% in that class right now? no siree. That culminating raised me up about 8-9% my teacher said, which means I was in the 60s. And I was getting an 81 in midterm in history, how did i let myself do this? I'M LAZY.

Currently reading Water for Elephants. I recently made a list of books I wanna read before I go to University, there's about... 50 books I would say. Now that doesn't seem a lot. I hope I really do it.

I convinced myself that my parents just don't understand me. Period. I feel like they think I'm speaking a foreign language because they just DON'T understand anything.

Anyway, the thought of going to grade 11 excites me and I know it's going to be a pain in the ass, but somehow, I think that everything is going to be okay. Well , I always do anyway.

Then grade 12.
Then university.
YAY UNIVERSITY.

okay, I really need to calm down and pass my history exam.

xoxo.

This world would never be what I expected. And if I don't belong who would have felt it?

New journal finally updated. Took long enough. I thought it was time. I was trying to keep my freshhlikeuhh account for old times sakes, but it's time to move on, I guess. This journal would be more well kept than my other one, because that account was so evident of my pre-teen dramas and dilemmas that I just really can't wait to leave behind.
Anyway, let me explain why I chose fateandfaith as my screen name. I believe that there is just so much we can hope for and have faith for. In the end, I think it's all destined. Everything is all written out for us and it's just the way we play the game. Though we think we have control over things, I still think that things happen for a reason shit happens to good people. Bad people get away with bad things. It's just the way it is, that's just fate. Coincidence. Destiny. Whatever you want to call it. And faith plays a big role in my life as well. Whethere it is on myself, on my dreams, my religion, my friends. I just keep faith. I don't like thinking negative things, that's not how life should be lived--there's only so much you can do no matter how long you're going to live, you know?

I don't think I can get any cheesier than that.
Wait, maybe I can.

This journal, I hope will be more sophisticated and more meaningful than my other blog. I felt like I just had that to rant about things and tell you guys about my boring day. Well, I still will do that. But I'm gonna keep it less dramatic and more understandable.

I'm still keeping the xoxo.
HAH.

xoxo.

YOU SAY GOODBYE AND I SAY HELLO.

please and thank you :)