Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything
When I love you and so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else
Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
Oh, what are we doing?
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late, too late
Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late, too late
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
So how can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Can't be with or without you
Yesterday, I was dying in my hotel by my frikken self. So Harriet and Joaqui (Miguel) came to my hotel and we just did absolutely nothing, watch tv. And then whatever, we went to go meet up with Ralph, drove to Alfie's house, got him and then we ended up in a park and Harriet and I walked across the Credit River. It was pretty gross I must say.
And today is no different, I'm still fucking bored and time has been moving so fucking slow.
Speaking of slow.
Yet another song that explains my feelings.
whoever stole my blackberry, will read my notes. and know my true feelings for one boy NO ONE knows about.
:(
xoxo.
And today is no different, I'm still fucking bored and time has been moving so fucking slow.
Speaking of slow.
Yet another song that explains my feelings.
whoever stole my blackberry, will read my notes. and know my true feelings for one boy NO ONE knows about.
:(
xoxo.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Legit
JUNE 25, 2009
So my brother graduated today. "OH THAT'S GREAT." NO. oh no. I woke up this morning and my mom was screaming. So I thought oh my fucking gosh we are late aren't we and she's freaking out of course. Then I come out of my room and my whole house is like flooded. Like... it was raining in my kitchen and basement. Turns out a water pipe bursted in my house and it eroded into all the pipes. It was crazy, the tv and appliances in the basement were all fuckeddd. Anyway, insurance got my family a hotel room because we can't stay in the house :( . But anyway, I still went to driving with Enzo and Mark, and i didn't even know which hotel we were going to. So then I just ended up bussing with Enzo but driving school ended at like 9:20 and we frikken missed the bus right when it got there so we had to wait like 30 minutes aodfosairahwyhuask . I didnt know where to go so I went to "Miguel's" (it's Joaqui in my world) and got picked up. All in all very fuckeeed day i dont know whats wrong with this week man.
So my brother graduated today. "OH THAT'S GREAT." NO. oh no. I woke up this morning and my mom was screaming. So I thought oh my fucking gosh we are late aren't we and she's freaking out of course. Then I come out of my room and my whole house is like flooded. Like... it was raining in my kitchen and basement. Turns out a water pipe bursted in my house and it eroded into all the pipes. It was crazy, the tv and appliances in the basement were all fuckeddd. Anyway, insurance got my family a hotel room because we can't stay in the house :( . But anyway, I still went to driving with Enzo and Mark, and i didn't even know which hotel we were going to. So then I just ended up bussing with Enzo but driving school ended at like 9:20 and we frikken missed the bus right when it got there so we had to wait like 30 minutes aodfosairahwyhuask . I didnt know where to go so I went to "Miguel's" (it's Joaqui in my world) and got picked up. All in all very fuckeeed day i dont know whats wrong with this week man.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
i will blog about the mmva's tomorrow.
I just wanna talk about how I lost my blackberry.
Tell me how, in the past years where I have owned phones that are well...NOT A BLACKBERRY... it survived thick and thin. Drunk moments, yeup, there was that Ericsson, no matter where I went it kept coming back to me. My next phone... I frikken buried my Rokr under snow and it still functioned. Then I went to Niagara one time and that phone is so thin that it slipped out of my pocket without me finding out until the next day. And that phone NEVER rang. NEVER. It was always on vibrate. Always. Then I beg my parents for a BlackBerry knowing I do not deserve such thing, but yknow it's my birthday maybe I sorta do deserve it, in that sense I do but for what I have done to my parents in the past ... they are swallowing prideeeess to give me that phone.
What frikken hurts the most is that I keep on telling them I'm ready to change, I'm ready to change. Not loafting anymore, you can trust me now. Then incidents like this happen. It was a failed stupidity on my part that I left it on the table...FUCK i dont even wanna go on cause everytime I think about it I just stop at that part. And yea, WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TELLING MY PARENTS.
I just wanna hug my mom... I wanna talk to her. Like I've been wanting to just talk to her about whatever. But I can't do that and I understand with all that rage in her, and with such a negative mom like mine (one who thinks of all the bad stuff before the good), its gonna be tough to surpass this. Soooooooo hard.
I love my parents, and losing this blackberry was like losing their trust and losing their faith in me. The little faith they had and the little trust gained. There was nothing to begin with and they were taking a shot in the dark and leaaaaaaping mountains. I don't care about the phone at this point, well I do but beyond that I'm so mad at myself that I would have to have the "im so sorry please believe me" conversation with them again. Trying to convince them... I wish I could have done something.
I just wanna talk about how I lost my blackberry.
Tell me how, in the past years where I have owned phones that are well...NOT A BLACKBERRY... it survived thick and thin. Drunk moments, yeup, there was that Ericsson, no matter where I went it kept coming back to me. My next phone... I frikken buried my Rokr under snow and it still functioned. Then I went to Niagara one time and that phone is so thin that it slipped out of my pocket without me finding out until the next day. And that phone NEVER rang. NEVER. It was always on vibrate. Always. Then I beg my parents for a BlackBerry knowing I do not deserve such thing, but yknow it's my birthday maybe I sorta do deserve it, in that sense I do but for what I have done to my parents in the past ... they are swallowing prideeeess to give me that phone.
What frikken hurts the most is that I keep on telling them I'm ready to change, I'm ready to change. Not loafting anymore, you can trust me now. Then incidents like this happen. It was a failed stupidity on my part that I left it on the table...FUCK i dont even wanna go on cause everytime I think about it I just stop at that part. And yea, WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TELLING MY PARENTS.
I just wanna hug my mom... I wanna talk to her. Like I've been wanting to just talk to her about whatever. But I can't do that and I understand with all that rage in her, and with such a negative mom like mine (one who thinks of all the bad stuff before the good), its gonna be tough to surpass this. Soooooooo hard.
I love my parents, and losing this blackberry was like losing their trust and losing their faith in me. The little faith they had and the little trust gained. There was nothing to begin with and they were taking a shot in the dark and leaaaaaaping mountains. I don't care about the phone at this point, well I do but beyond that I'm so mad at myself that I would have to have the "im so sorry please believe me" conversation with them again. Trying to convince them... I wish I could have done something.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
She rockin that thing like
Omg. Even fucking sober, I still manage to get myself in fucking trouble. It's not me it's you mom. Okay maybe it was a little bit me.
Today, I got picked up by Harriet at 9 to go to Jill's hotel party which was downtown. Going there, we got lost because roads were fucking closed due to the mmvas. Kay, then we got pulled over for speeding, but THANK GOODNESS WE DID. Because the cop was SEXY AS HELL Harriet was told she could take the tickets to court and she'll see him again there and I told her to fucking go for it.
So finally got to the frikken hotel after enough missions getting pulled over and getting lost. It was so pretty, so high class and I know this for sure because GIRLICIOUS was there. We saw them as we were leaving but wow woop dee doo it's girlicious. They're girls. So am I. I'm straight. I think it's impressive that they can dance and sing at the same time. But I was sick and I'm using that as an excuse for everything... and I didn't really wanna be liek OMG CAN I TAKE A PICTURE.. no... Try Spice Girls! THEN I will go crazy.
Yeah basically my fucking window just closed and my draft didnt save until like the last paragraph and I don't wanna write what I just wrote.
so i'll do it in point form
-Harriet and Erika were drunk
-I kissed a girl and went to hell
-I got in shit because i got home an hour after curfew
- had to pretend I watched Up.
and now I wanna watch AJ Raf.
yknow you love me xoxo.
Today, I got picked up by Harriet at 9 to go to Jill's hotel party which was downtown. Going there, we got lost because roads were fucking closed due to the mmvas. Kay, then we got pulled over for speeding, but THANK GOODNESS WE DID. Because the cop was SEXY AS HELL Harriet was told she could take the tickets to court and she'll see him again there and I told her to fucking go for it.
So finally got to the frikken hotel after enough missions getting pulled over and getting lost. It was so pretty, so high class and I know this for sure because GIRLICIOUS was there. We saw them as we were leaving but wow woop dee doo it's girlicious. They're girls. So am I. I'm straight. I think it's impressive that they can dance and sing at the same time. But I was sick and I'm using that as an excuse for everything... and I didn't really wanna be liek OMG CAN I TAKE A PICTURE.. no... Try Spice Girls! THEN I will go crazy.
Yeah basically my fucking window just closed and my draft didnt save until like the last paragraph and I don't wanna write what I just wrote.
so i'll do it in point form
-Harriet and Erika were drunk
-I kissed a girl and went to hell
-I got in shit because i got home an hour after curfew
- had to pretend I watched Up.
and now I wanna watch AJ Raf.
yknow you love me xoxo.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Why can't I love you in slow motion? Take my time.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
ANTHRO TOMORROW THEN PEACE OUT EXAMS.
even though i got fucked by math today and most likely need to go to summer school, oh well.
YEAH YEAH
I'M DONE STUDYING YAH YAH
now I'm just watching AJ Rafael <3
oh
JOSE IS CALLING ME
peace out!
yknow you love me xoxo
ANTHRO TOMORROW THEN PEACE OUT EXAMS.
even though i got fucked by math today and most likely need to go to summer school, oh well.
YEAH YEAH
I'M DONE STUDYING YAH YAH
now I'm just watching AJ Rafael <3
oh
JOSE IS CALLING ME
peace out!
yknow you love me xoxo
and now it's raining to just to rub it in.
He broke my heart
And now it's raining
Just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy about it
You'll say I told you so
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came 'round
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down
It's alright
It's alright
It's alright
Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
Sometimes
Some lies
Can take a minute
To fully realize
His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already know you'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore
I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
Life perfect
Ain't perfect
If you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down
If you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You ought to see me now
Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
And now it's raining
Just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy about it
You'll say I told you so
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came 'round
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down
It's alright
It's alright
It's alright
Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
Sometimes
Some lies
Can take a minute
To fully realize
His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already know you'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore
I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
Life perfect
Ain't perfect
If you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down
If you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You ought to see me now
Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me.
17 days in without alcohol fuck yeah! Operation sober month, oh yeah. Can I just say how happy I am that I was able to put my livejournal entries on blogspot, cept livejournal was really private so some of the really intense journals, I kept in LJ.
How whack was st. joe's stabbing. People need to calm down, it's the end of the school year C'MON. Like just all these tragedies are happening... Lucas' car crash, this stabbing, that girl that got crushed in a washroom in Guelph..it's just so sad.
I'm not feeling any better today I feel like I'm dying of this fever and cough and cold and everything I have going on in my body.
Writing my religion exam today was extremely painful, not only do Hindu and Sikh words sound the same, the test had like 120 multiple choice/matching and I am not exagerrating. Oh no it didnt end there... there was an essay and 4 short answers !! OH YEAH I LOVED WRITING IT. IT'S JUST WHAT A SICK PERSON NEEDS.
And I have been staring at my math tests for about 5 hours now... again, no exagerration. I don't even have facebook anymore and I still get distracted...
So peace out. I'm gonna "study"
yknow you love me.xoxo.
How whack was st. joe's stabbing. People need to calm down, it's the end of the school year C'MON. Like just all these tragedies are happening... Lucas' car crash, this stabbing, that girl that got crushed in a washroom in Guelph..it's just so sad.
I'm not feeling any better today I feel like I'm dying of this fever and cough and cold and everything I have going on in my body.
Writing my religion exam today was extremely painful, not only do Hindu and Sikh words sound the same, the test had like 120 multiple choice/matching and I am not exagerrating. Oh no it didnt end there... there was an essay and 4 short answers !! OH YEAH I LOVED WRITING IT. IT'S JUST WHAT A SICK PERSON NEEDS.
And I have been staring at my math tests for about 5 hours now... again, no exagerration. I don't even have facebook anymore and I still get distracted...
So peace out. I'm gonna "study"
yknow you love me.xoxo.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
YOU BELONG WITH ME
stop the antics. RIGHT NOW. I never wanted you this way. Well at least I haven't realized it. But as I sit here typing this little immature blog like a little girl, I'm realizing your meaning to me. I don't want you to find out about this. I KNOW that there are other girls so I'm not gonna try compete. But what I am thinking is that I don't want you enough to even tell you. But I do want to. I'm just holding back you know. Like always. I'm so scared of rejection that I'll just remain your friend until I'm over this phase.
Dude, I never used to miss you this way.
I never used to want your attention this way.
I'm sick and last night I kept on having delusive dreams, each of them like a nightmare.
and everytime I woke up, I'd dream again and each time it just got worse
Everytime I got scared I HELD on to you like my life depended on it, I clung on to you like there was no tomorrow.
And today I was just watching clips of One Tree Hill on youtube and I randomly clicked on a random one and it was that episode when Peyton was talking to Lucas about who's standing next to him when his dreams came true.
and IIIII thought about it and OMG, I saw you.
Dude, I never used to miss you this way.
I never used to want your attention this way.
I'm sick and last night I kept on having delusive dreams, each of them like a nightmare.
and everytime I woke up, I'd dream again and each time it just got worse
Everytime I got scared I HELD on to you like my life depended on it, I clung on to you like there was no tomorrow.
And today I was just watching clips of One Tree Hill on youtube and I randomly clicked on a random one and it was that episode when Peyton was talking to Lucas about who's standing next to him when his dreams came true.
and IIIII thought about it and OMG, I saw you.
i haven't updated
i haven't updated since april. But yeah i just read my last update and i said i would get better in math... yeah... NO.
Exam week and i am sick.
wrote my english exam today, and died. Watching recess now.
peace out
xoxo
Exam week and i am sick.
wrote my english exam today, and died. Watching recess now.
peace out
xoxo
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