Focusing... almost

I finally found the willpower to stay after all my classes were done today. Actually, it's only 12:13 pm. I have successfully fought every fiber in my body telling me to go home. So I'm sitting in the Silent Zone pondering about things I need to do. I have an essay due on Friday and I'm well behind on my English readings. When school first started in September and before all the frustrations began, I always found myself in the library trying to accomplish some work... I guess I just lost that balance once I started losing faith in myself academically. This is 5 months later and I'm finally caving in to nerding away from home and actually staying in school to study here.

I am 2 essays, 1 quiz and 5 exams away from the end of first year and whether or not I pass them, I could at least say I tried and I survived without giving up (which in most cases I felt like doing). I'm not doing horrendous as I was in the beginning of first semester, however, I learned that university is a constant struggle and it needs my full on attention which I have forever resented it even now as I choose to blog instead of researching for my Visual Comm essay. I'm always JUST passing or having one or two glory moments where I'm in the average range. I did however score a 92% on my CCT midterm and seriously a huge relief and probably going to raise my GPA enough to get in my program.

Sigh.
Life is starting to show me the more real and "big world" aspect of it.
Again, I'm gonna say this like how I always do (well, to myself) I hate feeling like I'm getting old. I've always wished to be in this position when I was younger... But what I would give to be 8 again sitting in Manila, in my lola's living room watching teleseryes eating her chicken adobo and then napping for 2 hours and wake up to do the same thing over again.
Now I have bills to pay, people to please, I'm considered and adult and can be charged with crimes and I am seriously starting to result to that once people start pissing me off these days. Kidding. Not really.
Yet, I am so young, so young to be this tired of life already.

xoxo.