The Empty Space

It's hard to get used to you being so distant and away from me. Although I know you promised to wait for my forgiveness and you promised to be there anytime I decide and realize I'm okay to be with you again, I'm still missing your occupation in the empty space beside me. How I used to be bored with you and not by myself, and when I got tired I'd lay my head on your shoulder, or maybe even sometimes on your lap. It's hard to try to fix damage you did that only you can fix. For so long I relied on you to be here whenever I needed and I trusted you, my heart was whole. I can't even trust myself with any thought of you because I could easily turn them from anger to pain to sorrow of missing you. My indecisive heart and my confused mind. I guess it is really true, love may be broken but love repairs meanwhile trust is frail and once broken no good trust may ever be recollected from that moment and though you start from scratch, the base can never be as solid. You broke my heart over and over and I did not care for those moments because at the end of the day my love could not be altered by any kind of wrong doing and mistake you made. Once you broke my trust, game over. I felt like I couldn't even forgive myself if I forgave you. Nothing, not even any kind of crazy, wild fight we ever had will amount to that feeling. Still, I miss you here. I just do. It's not wrong. It proves to me and to you that no matter how bitter I got during those last few days (or now and then), that I didn't really stop trying, I just had to get out of there.

With all this space between us, it's finally given both of us breathing spaces and a chance for me to miss you. You know how I feel and where I stand and I know where you are. Until I have hope again, I shall see you there.

xoxo.