i will blog about the mmva's tomorrow.

I just wanna talk about how I lost my blackberry.
Tell me how, in the past years where I have owned phones that are well...NOT A BLACKBERRY... it survived thick and thin. Drunk moments, yeup, there was that Ericsson, no matter where I went it kept coming back to me. My next phone... I frikken buried my Rokr under snow and it still functioned. Then I went to Niagara one time and that phone is so thin that it slipped out of my pocket without me finding out until the next day. And that phone NEVER rang. NEVER. It was always on vibrate. Always. Then I beg my parents for a BlackBerry knowing I do not deserve such thing, but yknow it's my birthday maybe I sorta do deserve it, in that sense I do but for what I have done to my parents in the past ... they are swallowing prideeeess to give me that phone.

What frikken hurts the most is that I keep on telling them I'm ready to change, I'm ready to change. Not loafting anymore, you can trust me now. Then incidents like this happen. It was a failed stupidity on my part that I left it on the table...FUCK i dont even wanna go on cause everytime I think about it I just stop at that part. And yea, WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TELLING MY PARENTS.
I just wanna hug my mom... I wanna talk to her. Like I've been wanting to just talk to her about whatever. But I can't do that and I understand with all that rage in her, and with such a negative mom like mine (one who thinks of all the bad stuff before the good), its gonna be tough to surpass this. Soooooooo hard.

I love my parents, and losing this blackberry was like losing their trust and losing their faith in me. The little faith they had and the little trust gained. There was nothing to begin with and they were taking a shot in the dark and leaaaaaaping mountains. I don't care about the phone at this point, well I do but beyond that I'm so mad at myself that I would have to have the "im so sorry please believe me" conversation with them again. Trying to convince them... I wish I could have done something.