Nostalgia

When it kicks in, it pretty much puts you in a stage where you will experience the sweet agony and medley of feelings. This is probably going to be long. For so long, I've lived day-to-day, aimlessly or not seeming to have a purpose. My, have I wasted my time. Things happen for a reason though and they happened for me in the exact way that He planned. I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be like this, I wouldn't have an appreciation for the things I have in life if it weren't for all the stupendous events and as well as the splendid ones that have happened to me.

I promised to write about why I want to go back to the Philippines.

Is it too much to ask really? Is it too selfish? I don't know. For me, recently, I have been sitting in my bed silently thinking about a lot of things that I haven't really given much thought...Haven't thought of it ever, maybe. Here, in this same spot in my bed thinking of what kind of future I want to have, what kind of people I want to be surrounded with. I've always had the privilege to live a good life with my parents striving for my brother and I and never letting us go astray. It really comes down to the values that I have created for myself which my parents have thoroughly molded throughout the years. What I'm trying to say is, well I don't really know. I can't type fast enough to express the thoughts I'm having right now. Pause.

What I'm trying to say is, when I sit here and think of my life and how I've lived it having moved from the Philippines and grown up with my Lola... I want my kids to experience the same things I did. Not that teaching them values won't suffice but I want them to experience the things that I did. In my opinion, my childhood ROCKED. (Here is where nostalgia hits again). All those weekday mornings in my lola's living room watching whatever afternoon show was on, Magandang Tanghali Bayan was usually my show, eating her chicken adobo or whatever she has prepared for me... Dancing in the rain with my playmates, riding tricycles with my yaya in horrible traffic. Oh man. I had the best childhood. What I really am striving for is to give half what I've been privileged to see to my offspring. I now know how my parents feel when they tell all those stories "back when I was a boy..." or my mom, "when I was still dalaga..." It's unexplainable. Personal experiences. I want a future that will have a sentimental meaning, I want to hold on to what I have always known. I know you can't always. But this is how I genuinely want to live my life. I want my future kids to discover God for themselves, but lead them in that direction. I'm gonna be honest, living in Canada/North America can really disdain spirituality. It's a mixture of different cultures and some people are so lax about church and their faith.

I can't be like that. Church is a must. Rosary is a must. Praying is a must.

Over all, I just want to live a life full of chicken adobo and prayer.
If I have to say it in a basically kind of way.

xoxo.